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Horoscopes for week of September 17, 2015

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
I won't go so far as to say that you are surrounded by unhinged maniacs whose incoherence is matched only by their self-delusion. That would probably be too extreme. But I do suspect that at least some of the characters in the game you're playing are not operating at their full potential. For now, it's best not to confront them and demand that they act with more grace. The wiser strategy might be to avoid being swept up in their agitation as you take good care of yourself. If you are patient and stay centered, I bet you will eventually get a chance to work your magic.

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Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Would you like to make yourself more magnetic to blessings? You could experiment with good luck charms or magic amulets -- objects that you imagine might attract benevolence into your life. How about a replica of Brísingamen, the magical necklace of the Norse goddess Freya? When she wore it, neither man nor god could resist her allure. Or maybe a copy of the thyrsus, a wand wielded by Dionysus, the god of ecstasy? Or the bracelet of meteorite chunks I saw advertised as a luck-bringer in the back of a tabloid?

As fun as things like these might be, I believe there's a superior approach to the art of charging up your mojo. It's embodied by the metaphorical talisman that Tom Waits recommends in his song "Get Behind the Mule": Always keep a diamond in your mind.

Go get one of those diamonds.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Many of the heroes in fairy tales survive and thrive because of the magical gifts they are given. Benefactors show up, often unexpectedly, to provide them with marvels -- a loom that can weave a cloak of invisibility, perhaps, or winged shoes that give them the power of flight, or a charmed cauldron that brews a healing potion. But there is an important caveat. The heroes rarely receive their boons out of sheer luck. They have previously performed kind deeds or unselfish acts in order to earn the right to be blessed. According to my analysis, Taurus, the coming weeks will be prime time for you to make yourself worthy of gifts you will need later on.

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Need more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Butterflies, moths, hummingbirds, and bats love to drink the nectar that flowers offer. In return, these pollinators are expected to get some pollen stuck on their bodies and carry it away to fertilize other plants.

While the nectar is tasty, it's usually not pure sweetness. If it were, the first pollinator to come along would suck it all dry, leaving nothing for further visitors. And that wouldn't be good from the plant's point of view, because it would limit the number of places where its pollen would be disseminated.

To keep nectar-drinking sessions short, therefore, most plants include a touch of bitterness in the blend.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Gemini (May 21-June 20)
We humans need nourishing stories almost as much as we require healthy food, clean air, pure water, and authentic love. And yet many of us get far less than our minimum daily requirement of nourishing stories. Instead, we are barraged with nihilistic narratives that wallow in misery and woe. If we want a break from that onslaught, our main other choices are sentimental fantasies and empty-hearted trivia. That's the bad news. But here's the good news: Now is a favorable time for you to seek remedies for this problem. That's why I'm urging you to hunt down redemptive chronicles that furnish your soul with gritty delight. Find parables and sagas and tales that fire up your creative imagination and embolden your lust for life.

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What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them," wrote novelist Margaret Atwood. "There ought to be as many for love."

Here are a few that the ancient Greeks devised, according to Lindsay Swope in her review of Richard Idemon's book Through the Looking Glass.

Epithemia is the basic need to touch and be touched. Our closest approximation is "horniness," though epithemia is not so much a sexual feeling as a sensual one.

Philia is friendship. It includes the need to admire and respect your friends as a reflection of yourself—like in high school, where you want to hang out with the cool kids because that means you're cool too.

Eros isn't sexual in the way we usually think, but is more about the emotional gratification that comes from merging souls.

Agape is a mature, utterly free expression of love that has no possessiveness. It means wanting the best for another person even if it doesn't advance your self-interest.

Your assignment is to coin three additional new words for love, which means you'll have to discover or create three alternate states of love that have previously been unnamed. To do that, you'll have to put aside your habitual expectations and standard definitions of what constitutes love so that you can explore an array of nuances, including varieties you never imagined existed.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Now is an excellent time to close the gap between the Real You and the image of yourself that you display to the world. I know of two ways to accomplish this. You can tinker with the Real You so that it's more like the image you display. Or else you can change the image you display so that it is a more accurate rendition of the Real You. Both strategies may be effective. However you go about it, Cancerian, I suggest you make it your goal to shrink the amount of pretending you do.

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Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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A common obstruction to a vital intimate relationship is what I call the assumption of clairvoyance. You imagine, perhaps unconsciously, that your partner or friend is somehow magically psychic when it comes to you -- so much so that he or she should unfailingly intuit exactly what you need, even if you don't ask for it. This fantasy may seem romantic, but it can sink the most promising alliances.

To counteract any tendencies you might have to indulge in the assumption of clairvoyance, practice stating your desires aloud.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Leo (July 23-August 22)
Born under the sign of Leo, Marcel Duchamp was an influential artist whose early work prefigured surrealism. In 1917, he submitted an unusual piece to a group exhibition in New York. It was a plain old porcelain urinal, but he titled it *Fountain,* and insisted it was a genuine work of art. In that spirit, I am putting my seal of approval on the messy melodrama you are in the process of managing. Henceforth, this melodrama shall also be known as a work of art, and its title will be "Purification." (Or would you prefer "Expurgation" or "Redemption"?) If you finish the job with the panache you have at your disposal, it will forevermore qualify as a soul-jiggling masterpiece.

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You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Write the following on a piece of red paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day, [put date here], that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others."


 
  Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Some people express pride in gross ways. When you hear their overbearing brags, you know it's a sign that they are not really confident in themselves. They overdo the vanity because they're trying to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy. In the coming weeks, I expect you to express a more lovable kind of self-glorification. It won't be inflated or arrogant, but will instead be measured and reasonable. If you swagger a bit, you will do it with humor and style, not narcissism and superiority. Thank you in advance for your service to humanity. The world needs more of this benign kind of egotism.

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How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Even if your heart's not exactly shattered at the moment, it has no doubt been so at some time in the past. I invite you to feel a wave of sadness about your suffering, then move on to this possibility: that having a broken heart is one of the best things that can happen to you.

Why? Because it strengthens your humility, which makes you smarter. It demonstrates to you that you have a tremendous capacity for deep feelings -- far more than you're normally aware of. It breaks down defense mechanisms that have desensitized you to the world's secret beauty. It may also inspire you to treat other people's hearts with greater care, making it more likely that you'll be able to create intelligent intimacy in the future.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Libra (September 23-October 22)
The rooster is your power animal. Be like him. Scrutinize the horizon for the metaphorical dawn that is coming, and be ready to herald its appearance with a triumphant wake-up call. On the other hand, the rooster is also your affliction animal. Don't be like him. I would hate for you to imitate the way he handles himself in a fight, which is to keep fussing and squabbling far beyond the point when he should let it all go. In conclusion, Libra, act like a rooster but also don't act like a rooster. Give up the protracted struggle so you can devote yourself to the more pertinent task, which is to celebrate the return of the primal heat and light.

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Compose and cast a love spell on yourself. There's no need to consult pagan books about how to proceed. It may even be better if you improvise homemade conjurations and incantations.

Be sure to formulate a clear intention of what you want to accomplish with your mojo. Example: "I want to make myself irresistibly lovable." For best results, stand naked in front of an altar crammed with magical objects that symbolize both lust and compassion.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Since you seem to enjoy making life so complicated and intense for yourself, you may be glad to learn that the current astrological omens favor that development. My reading of the astrological omens suggests that you're about to dive deep into rich mysteries that could drive you half-crazy. I suspect that you will be agitated and animated by your encounters with ecstatic torment and difficult bliss. Bon voyage! Have fun! Soon I expect to see miniature violet bonfires gleaming in your bedroom eyes, and unnamable emotions rippling through your unfathomable face, and unprecedented words of wild wisdom spilling from your smart mouth.

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How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Bring the spirits of sampling and the mash-up into your relationship life. Sampling is what happens when a musician openly lifts a riff out of an existing song and inserts it into his or her own composition. In a mash-up, a producer takes parts from two different songs to assemble a new song that has elements of both originals but is an entirely new creation.

How might you apply these approaches to your collaborations with intimate allies? For example, you could "sample" a close friend's favorite catchphrases or clothes, and use them as your own. Or tell that person a story from his or her own past, but recount it as if it happened to you. The two of you could write a journal entry together, taking turns spinning out each new line. You might even switch roles for a day, trying out what it actually feels like to be the other person.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
The Adamites were devotees of an ancient Christian sect that practiced sacred nudism. One of their central premises: How could anyone possibly know God while wearing clothes? I am not necessarily recommending that you make their practice a permanent part of your spiritual repertoire, but I think you might find value in it during the coming weeks. Your erotic and transcendent yearnings will be rising to a crescendo at the same time. You will have the chance to explore states where horniness and holiness overlap. Lusty prayers? Reverent sex? Ecstatic illumination?

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Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Play the game called "Tell me the story of your scars." It's best to do it with a skilled empath who is curious about your fate's riddles and skilled at helping you find redemption in your wounds.

"How did you get that blotch on your knee?" he or she might begin, and you describe the time in childhood when you fell on the sidewalk. Then maybe he or she would say, "Why do you always look so sad when you hear that song?" And you'd narrate the tale of how it was playing when an old lover broke your heart. The questions and answers continue until you unveil the history of your hurts, both physical and psychic. Treat yourself to this game soon.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
One of your key themes in the coming weeks is "grace." I suggest that you cultivate it, seek it out, expect it, and treasure it. To prepare for this fun work, study all of the meanings of "grace" below. At least two of them, and possibly all, should and can be an active part of your life. 1. Elegance or beauty of form, movement, or proportion; seemingly effortless charm or fluidity. 2. Favor or goodwill; a disposition to be generous or helpful. 3. Mercy, forgiveness, charity. 4. A temporary exemption or immunity; a reprieve. 5. A sense of fitness or propriety. 6. A prayer of blessing or thanks said before a meal. 7. An unmerited divine gift offered out of love.

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How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You understand that you can never own love, right? No matter how much someone adores you today, no matter how much you adore someone, you can't force that unique state of grace to keep its shape forever. It will inevitably evolve or mutate, perhaps into a different version of tender caring, but maybe not. From there it will continue to change, into either yet another version of interesting affection, or who knows what else?

Describe how you could get the hang of putting this tricky wisdom into practice.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
Be good, but not necessarily well-behaved. Be extra exuberant and free, but not irresponsible. Be lavish and ardent and even rowdy, but not decadent. Why? What's the occasion? Well, you have more-or-less finished paying off one of your karmic debts. You have conquered or at least outwitted a twist from your past that had been sapping your mojo. As a reward for doing your duty with such diligence, you have earned a respite from some of the more boring aspects of reality. And so now you have a mandate to gather up the intelligent pleasure you missed when you were acting like a beast of burden.

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Would you like to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Do you want to uncover the secrets you've been hiding even from yourself? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Love is being stupid together," said French poet Paul Valery. While there's a grain of truth to that, it's too corny and decadent for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost both your emotional and analytical intelligence. Your relationship becomes a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works.

Give an example of your closest approach to this model in your own life. Then formulate a vow in which you promise you'll do what's necessary to more fully embody the principle "Love is being smart together."


 
  Verticle Oracle card Pisces (February 19-March 18)
"I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love." That's the mantra that Frank O'Hara intoned in his poem "Meditations in an Emergency," and now I'm inviting you to adopt a modified version of it. Here's how I would change it for your use in the coming months: "I am the least difficult of passion artists. All I want is to give and receive boundless, healthy, interesting love." To be frank, I don't think O'Hara's simple and innocent declaration will work for you. You really do need to add my recommended nuances in order to ripen your soul's code and be aligned with cosmic rhythms.

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Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"For a relationship to stay alive," writes James Hillman, "love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."

Make this your hypothesis. The next time you sense that you're about to say the same old thing to your closest ally, interrupt yourself and head off in the direction of storyland.



 
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