Free Will Astrology : All Horoscopes


	Horoscopes for week of January 20, 2011 The age-old question comes up for review once again: Which should predominate, independence or interdependence? The answer is always different, of course, depending on the tenor of the time and the phase of your evolution. But in the coming weeks, at least, my view is that you should put more emphasis on interdependence. I think you'll reap huge benefits from wholeheartedly blending your energies with allies whose power and intelligence match yours. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well supplied with blessings. What kind of blessings? Palatial homes, attractive lovers, lottery winnings, career success? Maybe. But just as likely: interesting surprises, unexpected challenges, gifts we hardly know what to do with, conundrums that force us to get smarter. Novelist William Vollman referred to the latter types of blessings when he said that "the most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that's a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don't know how to solve." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	I find many of you Tauruses to be excessively self-effacing. It's a trait that can be both endearing and maddening. Even as my heart melts in the presence of Bulls who are underestimating their own beauty, I may also feel like grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking some confidence into them, barraging them with frustrated exhortations like "Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, for God's sake!" But I'm guessing I won't be tempted to do that anytime soon. You appear to be due for a big influx of self-esteem. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings. * The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	It will be good week to let your mind go utterly blank while slouching in front of a TV and sipping warm milk, or to spend hours curled up in a ball under the covers on your bed as you berate yourself with guilty insults for the mistakes you've made in your life. NOT! I'm kidding! Please don't you dare do anything like that. It would be a terrible waste of the rowdy astrological omens that are coming to bear on you. Here are some better ideas: Go seek the fire on the mountain! Create a secret in the sanctuary! Learn a trick in the dark! Find a new emotion in the wilderness! Study the wisest, wildest people you know so that you, too, can be wildly wise! You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart�even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	This would be an excellent week to grieve madly and deeply about the old love affairs that shattered your heart. I've rarely seen a better astrological configuration than there is now for purging the residual anguish from those old romantic collapses. So I suggest you conduct a formal ritual that will provide total exorcism and bring you maximum catharsis. Maybe you could build a shrine containing the photos and objects that keep a part of you stuck in the past, and maybe you could find the bold words and innovative gestures that will bid goodbye to them forever. Do you have any intuitions about how to create a rousing healing ceremony? You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it�s impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. That�s why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good. Astrologer Caroline Casey offers an apt metaphor to illustrate how crucial it is for us to hear and read good stories. She notes that if we don�t have enough of the normal, healthy kind of iodine in our bodies, we absorb radioactive iodine, which has entered the food chain through nuclear test explosions conducted in the atmosphere. Similarly, unless we fill ourselves up with stories that invigorate us, we�re more susceptible to sopping up the poisonous, degenerative narratives. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	The History cable TV channel has a reality TV show called "Ice Road Truckers." It documents the exploits of drivers who haul heavy loads in their 18-wheelers for long distances across frozen rivers and lakes and swamps in Alaska and northwest Canada. They bring supplies to remote outposts where humans work exotic jobs like mining diamonds and drilling for natural gas. If you have any truck-driving skills, Leo, you'd be a good candidate to apply for a gig on the show. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, your levels of courage and adventurousness will be at an all-time high in 2011. May I suggest, though, that you try to make your romps in the frontier more purely pleasurable than what the ice road truckers have to endure? You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT "If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that? * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	Pop chanteuse Katy Perry is renowned not only for her singing ability but also for her physical appearance. Her preternatural ability to sell her musical products can be attributed in part to her sparkling good looks and charisma. That's why it was amusing when her husband, the trickster Russell Brand, Twittered a raw photo of her that he took as she lifted her head off the pillow, awakening from a night of sleep. (See it at tinyurl.com/RealKaty.) Without her make-up, Katy's visage was spectacularly ordinary. Not ugly, just plain. In accordance with the astrological omens, Virgo, I urge you to do what Russell Brand did: expose the reality that lies beneath and behind the glamorous illusion, either in yourself or anywhere else you find a need. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you�re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	While I was growing up, I was taught to regard my analytical mind as a supreme tool for understanding reality. I've never stopped believing that. However, I eventually realized I had to add the following corollaries if I wanted to thrive: 1. My imagination and intuition are as essential to my success as my analytical mind; 2. I need to regularly express my playful, creative urges, and that requires me to sometimes transcend my analytical mind; 3. to maintain my emotional well-being, I have to work with my dreams, which occur in a realm where the analytical mind is not lord and king. Does any of this ring true for you, Libra? Now is an excellent time to cultivate other modes of intelligence besides your analytical mind. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT If I ever produce a self-help manual called The Reverse Psychology of Getting Everything You Want, it will discuss the following paradoxes: a. People are more willing to accommodate your longings if you�re not greedy or grasping. b. A good way to achieve your desires is to cultivate the feeling that you�ve already achieved them. c. Whatever you�re longing for has been changed by your pursuit of it. It�s not the same as it was when you felt the first pangs of desire. In order to make it yours, then, you will have to modify your ideas about it. d. Be careful what you wish for because if your wish does materialize it will require you to change in ways you didn�t foresee. Review your own life and identify experiences that exemplify these four principles. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	If you're planning on spending any time hibernating during the next few months, this would be an excellent time to do it. Your reaction time is slowing down, which is a very healthy thing. Meanwhile, your allergy to civilization is acting up, your head is too full of thoughts you don't need, and your heart craves a break from the subtle sorrows and trivial tussles of daily life. So go find some sweet silence to hide inside, Scorpio. Treat yourself to a slow-motion glide through the eternal point of view. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT When you�re an aspiring master of pronoia, you see the cracks in the facades as opportunities; inspiration erupts as you careen over bumps in the road; you love the enticing magic that flows from situations that other people regard as rough or crooked. "That which is not slightly distorted lacks sensible appeal," wrote poet Charles Baudelaire, "from which it follows that irregularity -- that is to say, the unexpected, surprise and astonishment -- is an essential part and characteristic of beauty." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	"Dear Rob: All my life I've been passionate about the big picture -- learning how the universe works, meditating on why things are the way they are, and probing the invisible forces working behind the scenes. Too often, though, I'm so enamored of these expansive concepts that I neglect to pay enough humble attention to myself. It's embarrassing. Loving the infinite, I scrimp on taking care of the finite. Any advice? - Larger Than Life Sagittarian." Dear Larger: You're in luck! Members of the Sagittarian tribe have entered a phase when they can make up for their previous neglect of life-nourishing details. In the coming weeks, I bet you'll find it as fun and interesting to attend to your own little needs as you normally do to understanding the mysteries of the cosmos. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT It's time for the Gratitude Fest. Write thank-you notes to the creatures, both human and otherwise, that have played seminal roles in inspiring you to become yourself. Who have been your guides along the way, both the purposeful teachers and the inadvertent helpers? Who has seen you for who you really are? Who has nudged you in the direction of your fuller destiny and awakened you to your signature truths? Who has loved you very, very well? * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	All the most credible studies say that the crime rate is steadily decreasing, and yet three out of every four people believe it's rising. What conclusions can we draw from this curious discrepancy? Here's one: The majority of the population is predisposed towards pessimism. In my astrological opinion, Capricorn, you can't afford to be victimized by this mass psychosis. If you are, it will interfere with and probably even stunt the good fortune headed your way. I'm not asking you to be absurdly optimistic. Just try to root out any tendencies you might have to be absurdly gloomy. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day. Forgive yourself of every mistake except one. Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs. Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there. Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return. Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire. Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you. Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	In the early 20th century, many women at the beach covered most of their bodies with swimsuits made of wool. If they went in the water, they'd emerge about 20 pounds heavier. Swimming was a challenge. Your current psychic state has resemblances to what you'd feel like if you were wearing drenched woolen underwear and a drenched woolen clown suit and a drenched woolen robe. My advice? Take it off; take it all off. The astrological omens are clear: Whatever your reasons were for being in this get-up in the first place are no longer valid. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT "I�ve been practicing radical authenticity lately," my friend Brandon told me. "I�m revealing the blunt truth about unmentionable subjects to everyone I know. It�s been pretty hellish -- no one likes having the social masks stripped away -- but it�s been ultimately rewarding." "I admire your boldness in naming the currents flowing beneath the surface," I replied, "but I�m curious as to why you imply they�re all negative. To practice radical authenticity, shouldn�t you also express the raw truth about what�s right, good, and beautiful? Shouldn�t you unleash the praise and gratitude that normally go unspoken?" Brandon sneered. He thought my version of radical authenticity was wimpy. I hope you don�t. As a budding lover of life, you have a mandate to be honest in both ways. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	In comedian Sarah Silverman's memoir, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, she confesses that she was still wetting her bed at age 19. Depression was a constant companion throughout adolescence, and she took a lot of Xanax. Yet somehow she grew into such a formidable adult that she was able to corral God himself to write the afterword for her book. How did she manage that? "This is so trite," she told Publishers Weekly, "but . . . sex." I predict that a comparable reversal of fortune is ahead for you, Pisces. Some part of your past will be redeemed, quite possibly with the sexy help of a divine ally. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT A bright red cardinal had a confrontation with my picture window. For almost 45 minutes, the bird hammered its beak against the glass. With the help of my good friend and research assistant Google, I determined that the bird had probably mistaken its own reflection for a rival that it was trying to attack. The event suggests three teachings: 1. If you feel the urge to fight others, you're probably mad about something in yourself. 2. You might want to monitor any tendency you have to get fixated on an image that is at best a distorted representation of a real thing and not the real thing itself. 3. It's best not to hurt yourself or drive yourself crazy in an effort to chase away an illusion. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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