Free Will Astrology : All Horoscopes


	Horoscopes for week of June 24, 2010 A few years ago, a group of artists built a giant bunny out of pink wool on an Italian mountainside. The 200-foot-long effigy will remain there until 2025. There's a disturbing aspect to this seemingly goofy artifact, however: It has a wound in its side where its guts are spilling out. That's why I don't recommend that you travel there and commune with it. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you would definitely benefit from crawling into a fetal position and sucking your thumb while lying in the comfy embrace of a humongous mommy substitute. But you shouldn't tolerate any tricks or jokes that might limit your ability to sink into total peace and relaxation. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. What are your plans for the rest of the year? Could you use some more help in mapping out your dreams and schemes? Maybe you can accomplish more than you think between now and January 2011. Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Naturalist John Burroughs may have been addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	In 1998, I spent three weeks reading The Psychoanalysis of Fire and The Poetics of Reverie, two books by French philosopher Gaston Bachelard. His teachings were so evocative that I filled up two 120-page journals with my notes. To this day, I still refer to them, continuing to draw fresh inspiration from ideas I wasn't ripe enough to fully understand when I first encountered them. You're entering a phase of your astrological cycle when a similar event could happen for you, Taurus: a supercharged educational opportunity that will fuel you for a long time. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. Who do you want to become between now and January 2011? Where do you want to go and what do you want to do? I'm ready to help you muse about the interesting possibilities. Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT You're hereby invited to join the Clandestine Indigenous Revolutionary Committee Devoted to the Ingenious Liberation of All Sentient Beings. To signify your desire to sign up, simply perform an act of crafty compassion that reduces someone's suffering. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	Congrats, Gemini! You have not only weathered your recent phase of relentless novelty; you've thrived on the adjustments it demanded of you. I am hereby awarding you with the rare and prestigious title of Change-Lover, which I only bestow upon one of the signs of the zodiac every four years or so. So what's next on the schedule? The shock of the new will soon subside, giving you a chance to more fully integrate the fresh approaches you've been adopting. I suggest you relax your hyper-vigilance and slip into a slower, smoother, more reflective groove. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. What new influences will be headed your way during the second half od 2010? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? Would you like some guidance as you figure out how to make best use of those influences and resources? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Where exactly is Hell in relation to Heaven, anyway? Is it the equivalent of a billion light-years away? Or are they located within shouting distance of each other? Lots of ancient religious texts suggest the latter. Yalkut Koheleth, a Jewish commentary on the Biblical book Ecclesiastes, claimed the two domains were just "a hand-breadth apart." In Greek myth, the blessed Elysian Fields were situated right next door to Hades. "The doors to heaven and hell are adjacent and identical," wrote Nikos Kazantzakis, "both green, both beautiful." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	Here are the low-paying jobs I've done that I wasn't very good at: tapping sap from maple trees in Vermont; driving a taxi in North Carolina; toiling as an amusement park ride operator in New Jersey; being a guinea pig for medical experiments in California; digging ditches in South Carolina; and picking olives from trees in the south of France. Do I feel like a failure for being such a mediocre worker and making so little money? No, because although it took me a while, I finally found jobs I was good at, and have been thriving ever since. Why would I judge myself harshly for having trouble doing things that weren't in sync with my soul's code? Please apply this line of thinking to yourself. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself? What well-informed and ingenious approaches can you use to get the most out of the raw materials you're presented with? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT The alchemists said the magic formula for enlightenment was Visita Inferiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem, or "Seek out the lower reaches of the earth, perfect them, and you will find the hidden stone" -- the treasured philosopher's stone. Jungian psychologists might describe the process this way: Engage in a relationship with the blind and sickly parts of yourself, perfect them, and you will awaken your hidden divinity. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	Each year, Playboy magazine publishes a list of the best colleges to go to if you prefer partying to studying. In its recent rankings, a top spot went to the University of Wisconsin, which was dubbed "the best beer-drinking school in the country." As a counterpoint to this helpful information, HuffingtonPost.com offered a compendium of the best anti-party schools. Brigham Young got favorable mention since it has a policy forbidding students from drinking, smoking, and having sex. The University of Chicago was also highly regarded, being "the place where fun goes to die." For the next three weeks, Leo, I recommend that you opt for environments that resemble the latter more than the former. It's time for you to get way down to business, cull the activities that distract you from your main purpose, and cultivate a hell of a lot of gravitas. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. As you plunge in to the second half of 2010, would you like to clarify your purpose? Are there fantasies playing at the back of your mind that you'd like to bring fully into your awareness? Tune in. As you plunge in to the second half of 2010, would you like to clarify your purpose? Are there fantasies playing at the back of your mind that you'd like to bring fully into your awareness? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT "Objection, evasion, joyous distrust, and love of irony are signs of health. Everything absolute belongs to pathology." So proclaimed Friedrich Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil. Note well that he used the adjective "joyous" to describe distrust, not "cynical" or "grumbling" or "sour." The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood as you do it. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	You're entering a phase of your long-term cycle when cultivating abundance is an especially smart thing to do. To take maximum advantage, I suggest that you be both extra generous and extra receptive to generosity. Bestow more blessings than usual and put yourself in prime positions to gather in more blessings than usual. I realize that the second half of this assignment might be a challenge. You Virgos often feel more comfortable giving than receiving. But in this case, I must insist that you attend to both equally. The giving part won't work quite right unless the receiving part is in full bloom. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. What new influences will be headed your way during the second half of 2010? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you make best use of these influences and resources? Tune in. Are you ready to shed your superstitious fears about the future? Would you like to slip into the second half of 2010 armed with an influx of confidence and poise? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT You know about the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, who discovered the conditioned reflex. In his famous experiment, he trained laboratory dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell. You may not have heard, though, about the story's surprise ending. The dogs were programmed for weeks with such rigor that their behavior became as predictable as machines. Then one day a flood inundated the lab. In the confusion, the dogs forgot all their training instantly. (Source: Raoul Vaneigem, The Revolution of Everyday Life) * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	What have you lost in recent months, Libra? This week begins a phase when you will have the potential to not exactly recover it, but rather to re-create it on a higher level. Maybe a dream that seemed to unravel was simply undergoing a reconfiguration, and now you're primed to give it a new and better form of expression. Maybe a relationship that went astray was merely dying so it could get resurrected, with more honesty and flexibility this time around. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. Do you understand just how much power you have to create the life you want to live during the second half of 2010? Are you fully aware of just how much access you have to new resources? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Imagine that the whole world belongs to you. The birch trees in New Hampshire's White Mountains are yours, and so are the cirrus clouds in the western sky at dusk and the black sand on the beaches of Hawaii's Big Island. You own everything, my dear sovereign -- the paintings in all the museums of the world, as well as the Internet and the wild horses and the eight-lane highways. Please take good care of it all, OK? Be an enlightened monarch who treats your domain with reverent responsibility. And make sure you also enjoy the full measure of fun that comes with such mastery. Glide through life as if all of creation is yearning to honor and entertain you. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	I'm guessing that you've been ushered into a frontier that affords you no recognizable power spot. It probably feels uncomfortable, like you've lost the inside track. And now along comes some wise guy -- me -- who advises you in his little horoscope column that you are exactly where you need to be. He says that this wandering outside the magic circle is pregnant with possibilities that could help you make better use of the magic circle when you get back inside at a later date. I hope you will heed this wise guy and, at least for the moment, resist the temptation to force yourself back into the heart of the action. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the second half od 2010? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Even if you don't call yourself an artist, you have the potential to be a dynamic creator who is always hatching new plans, coming up with fresh ideas, and shifting your approach to everything you do as you adjust to life's ceaseless invitation to change. It's to this part of you -- the restless, inventive spirit -- that I address the following: Unleash yourself! Don't be satisfied with the world the way it is; don't sit back passively and blankly complain about the dead weight of the mediocre status quo. Instead, call on your curiosity and charisma and expressiveness and lust for life as you tinker with and rebuild everything you see so that it's in greater harmony with the laws of love and more hospitable to your soul's code. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	There used to be a tradition in Sweden that young women could dream of the person they would ultimately wed if they put seven kinds of flowers beneath their pillows on Midsummer's Eve. That's crazy nonsense, of course. Right? Probably. Although I must note that two nights ago I placed a gladiolus, hydrangea, lilac, orchid, snapdragon, tulip, and rose under my pillow, and subsequently dreamed of being visited by the lily-crowned Goddess of Intimacy, who asked me to convey a message to you Sagittarians. She said that if you even just imagine slipping seven flowers under your pillow, you will have a dream about what you should do in order to help your love life evolve to the next stage of its highest potential. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT In the Beauty and Truth Lab parlance, "Uber-Fun" (always capitalized) refers to righteous delight that inspires you to shed limiting beliefs, thereby making you trickier, smarter, kinder, and wilder. Go out and have some Uber-Fun. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	Have you ripened into such a knowledgeable, sophisticated person that you're hard to surprise? Do you draw conclusions about each new experience by comparing it to what has happened to you in the past? I hope not. I hope you're ready to be a wide-eyed, open-armed, wild-hearted explorer. I hope you will invite life to blow your mind. In the days to come, your strongest stance will be that of an innocent virgin who anticipates an interesting future. Blessings you can't imagine will visit you if you'll excuse yourself from outdated expectations and irrelevant complications. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. What hidden factors will be massaging your destiny during the rest of 2010? Could you use some hints about how to prepare for the adventures awaiting you in the next six months? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT ARGUMENTS WITH GOD is the only organization on the planet that specializes in the art of debating with the Creator. Our trained Prayer Warriors are standing by, ready to deliver the protests and complaints that you want to convey. Send your mad, rebellious, poignant appeals to Truthrooster@gmail.com, and we will relay them directly to the Cosmic Trickster with persuasive eloquence. Write your first draft. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	The notorious Wicked Bible was published in 1631. That wasn't its original name. It was supposed to be as holy as every Bible. But it contained an error that slipped by the proofreaders' notice: In the book of Exodus, where the Ten Commandments were listed, the word "not" was excluded from one commandment. What remained, an insult to pious eyes, was "Thou shall commit adultery." Most of these books were later burned, and the publisher was punished. Be on the lookout for a comparable flap, Aquarius: a small omission that could change the meaning of everything. Ideally, you'll spot the error and fix it before it spawns a brouhaha. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. What will be the story of your life during the rest of 2010? How can you exert your free will to create the adventures that will bring out the best in you, even as you find graceful ways to cooperate with the tides of destiny? Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT The ancient Greek word klimax had several meanings. Here's the Beauty and Truth Lab's favorite definition: a ladder to heaven by which a dreamer's soul ascends to have an erotic tryst with a divine being who imparts fascinating secrets. Before you go to bed on the next five nights, tell your subconscious mind that you want to get yourself a klimax like that. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
	The plant known as the squirting cucumber has an unusual talent: When the fruit is ripe, it opens up and spits out a rapid-fire stream of seeds that travels a great distance. In the coming weeks, Pisces, you'll have resemblances to this aggressive fructifier. It'll be prime time to be proactive about spreading your influence and offering your special gifts. The world is begging you to share your creative spirit, preferably with rapid-fire spurts that travel a great distance. Want to go further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. I'm also still offering a MID-YEAR PREVIEW -- an audio report on YOUR LONG-TERM DESTINY from now through JANUARY 2011. To hear my LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE in the next six months, simply log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2010." The cost is $6. Do you really know how much power you have to create the life you want to live between now and January 2011? Probably not. But I'd like to help you know about that power, and tap into it. Tune in. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT The Mystic Chaos Wizard Helper says: Close one eye. Tap your forehead twice with your left palm. Think of a memory in which you found something you'd lost. Lick your lips and murmur the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Now write the first thing that comes into your heart's mind. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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