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Free Will Astrology
horoscopes for week of May 22, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19)
After working for years in various jobs at San Francisco TV station KTVU, Frank Sommerville was promoted to the top of the heap -- lead anchorman of the 10 o'clock news program. He promised that his new power wouldn't make him lazy or complacent. "Nobody will out-curious me," he bragged. I hope you will adopt the same motto for the foreseeable future, Aries. Your world needs you to be intensely inquisitive about what's transpiring. Uncoincidentally, asking lots of smart questions (and even some dumb ones) will also be the best possible thing you can do for your mental health.
Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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Everyone influences the world in some way. No matter how powerless we may feel, each of us is a creator who continually churns out energy that bends and shapes our world and the people in it. What is the signature of your effect? How do you change the environments you pass through? What magic, for good or ill, do you exude from day to day?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
"The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight for it," said British attorney Sidney Littlewood. I don't endorse that assertion, since it's an offensive ethnic stereotype, but I do want to borrow it to create a cautionary message for you. Please make sure that in the upcoming weeks no one can say to you, "You don't know what you want and yet you are prepared to fight for it." I definitely hope you aggressively champion an idea you believe in or a dream you care about, but you should get clearer about what exactly it is.
No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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You probably don't grow much of your own food or sew your own clothes, and you didn't build your own house or car. You may not know where your water comes from or where your wastes go. The last time you doffed your clothes for a whole day was when you were two months old, and you may not know the names of your great-grandparents, let alone what they were like.
Maybe it's time, then, for you to find some sources to return to. How might you do that? Here's one suggestion for how to begin: Sleep all night under a tree, lulling yourself into the dreamtime with a cruise through your oldest memories. What other things can you try?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Giuseppe Rebaudi and Silvie Basain started dating in 1952. This year they finally decided to take the next step. After a 56-year courtship, the 101-year-old Italian man wed his 98-year-old girlfriend. I predict that a comparable event will bless your love life in the second half of 2008, Gemini. Some romantic development that has been in the works for a long time will finally ripen into its full expression. Expect news about this soon.
What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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Have you ever played the game of "Tell me the story of your scars?" It's best to do it with a skilled empath who is curious about your fate's riddles and skilled at helping you find redemption in your wounds.
"How'd you get that blotch on your knee?" he or she might begin, and you describe the time in childhood when you fell on the sidewalk. Then maybe he or she would say, "Why do you always look so sad when you hear that song?" And you narrate the tale of how it was playing when an old lover broke your heart. The questions and answers continue until you unveil the history of your hurts, both physical and psychic. Treat yourself to this game soon.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
If you're normal, you periodically feel little surges of anger that you don't express. Over time they may accumulate into a mass of blind rage that can hurt innocent bystanders, damage your relationships, and tempt you to punch holes in walls. Is there a way to keep this from happening? Yes, there is: It's my patented Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy, a five-minute ritual that you perform once a week in a private place with no witnesses. For four minutes, you fume, seethe, curse, and yell. For the final 60 seconds, you compel yourself to laugh uncontrollably. This week would be an excellent time to start integrating Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy into your routine.
Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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"Love is being stupid together," said French poet Paul Valéry. While there's an element of truth to that, it's too corny and decadent for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost both your emotional and analytical intelligence. Your relationship becomes a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works.
Think of an example of your closest approach to this model in your own life. Then formulate a vow in which you promise you'll do what's necessary to more fully embody the principle "love is being smart together."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Guerrilla gardening is my favorite kind of prank: a benevolent one. The practitioners of this growing global movement are fertility agitators who sneak onto unused fields under cover of broad daylight, often in urban landscapes, and cultivate flowers, herbs, and food crops. In accordance with the astrological omens, I recommend that you experiment with a metaphorically similar project in the upcoming weeks. Without necessarily seeking permission or expecting appreciation, cultivate beauty and value in a place that's neglected or going to waste.
How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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"The more accidental, the more true," wrote Boris Pasternak in his poem "February." Scholar Mikhail Epstein expanded this observation: "The more accidental the phenomenon, the more divine its nature, for the divine is what has not been envisioned, what cannot be deduced from general rules, nor irreducible to them."
If we pursue this line of thought to its logical conclusion, we may decide that the most useful sources of illumination are not always holy books, revered dogma, and great truths that everyone has heard. They might also be serendipitous anomalies that erupt into the daily routine and break the trance of ordinary awareness. "The tiny spark," Epstein writes, "is the precise measure of the holiness of the world."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
"Dear Star-Reader Brezsny: You are the only wizard who can save me. I have a bad job -- just $72,000 a year -- plus a lover who's not all that cute and a home that's not worth as much as it used to be. My health is good but I hate my nose and ass. Can't afford a BMW or a vacation to Spain. My world is unraveling! Hope is fading! Please tell me what to do! - Virgo on the Verge." Dear On the Verge: I suggest that you temporarily suspend your strident yearning. This is one time when it's important to cultivate more appreciation for what you actually have. I urge you and all Virgos to turn your attention away from what you think you lack, and devote your psychic energy to loving what is.
Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.
An alternative perspective comes from French philosopher Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a good ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.
Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Even if you're not sick, you need some medicine. What kind of medicine? The kind that can transform what's pretty good about your life into something that's really great; the kind that will super-animate your merely average efforts and blast you free of any lackadaisical attitudes you've come to accept as reasonable. This medicine won't come in the form of a pill or a potion, but rather will be produced by your own body if and when you slip away from your comfort zone and go out to play in the frontier. Be your own doctor, Libra. Break your own trance. Crack your own code. Escape your own mind games.
Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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Close your eyes and visualize an alluring person standing in front of you. Now imagine that he or she is gazing at you with affectionate desire.
Add to the scene another enchanting person who is also beaming with adoration. Insert still another such character, and another, and another. Don't stop until you have arrayed before you in your mind's eye 10 enticing people of your favorite gender--and they're all glowing with love and appreciation.
Let the scene develop further, like a waking dream, unfolding in directions that surprise and delight you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Your life in the coming weeks may resemble a dream of sailing deep beneath the waves in a yellow submarine where a nonstop party is going on. It'll be as if you're plowing through deep, heavy, murky waters inside a brightly-lit high-tech vessel that is controlled by slightly chaotic connoisseurs of fun. You may feel a bit claustrophobic, but that could encourage your imagination to run wild, which will be a good thing as long as you don't believe everything it tells you. In conclusion, Scorpio, get ready for entertaining adventures that will range from being a bit creepy to totally delicious.
Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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The Doctrine of Original Sin? I spit on it. I reject it. I renounce it and annihilate it from reality. In its place I offer the Doctrine of Original Fun. This reformulation of the truth asserts that we are all born with a mandate to have as much liberating joy as possible. Present three arguments of pieces of evidence in support of the Doctrine of Original Fun.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
During America's first war on Iraq in 1991, I prophesied that one day there'd be a Disneyland in Baghdad. It was a surrealistically sardonic send-up of my native country's imperialism. But now, 17 years later, my absurd prediction is coming true. The same American company that designed the original Disneyland has announced plans to build the Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience. If workers survive bombing, looting, and sniper fire, the first part of the 50-acre amusement park will open this year. While I question whether building a monument to fun is a good idea in an actual war zone, it's an excellent metaphor for you to apply to your personal life. Even if you can't extinguish a certain conflict that has been raging, try to introduce a spirit of play into the proceedings.
What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed?
Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning. What's the first thing you'll do to invoke a steady stream of inspired teachers and invigorating lessons?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
I'm issuing a too-much-of-a-good-thing warning. Soaking up too much pleasure could dilute the value of your bliss. Expressing too much personal power could scare away valuable allies who are competent but not entirely confident. Pushing too hard on behalf of your creative pragmatism could subtly undermine the labor of love you've worked so hard on. Therefore, Capricorn, please accept my invitation to enjoy a period of rest and assimilation. You can return later for another round of pure intensity.
Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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After seeing the temple of Artemis in Ephesus, the ancient writer Philo of Byzantium wrote, "He who has laid eyes on it will be convinced that the world of the immortal gods has moved from heaven to earth."
Seek out an experience that provokes an equally breathtaking response in you. Or do whatever you can to generate feelings of sincere reverence and awe.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
Studies show that at least half the population would give up sex for a few months if they'd be rewarded for their abstinence with a free 60-inch plasma TV. But if you're offered a deal like that anytime soon, Aquarius, I suggest you reject it. According to my analysis of the omens, it will be crucial to your mental, physical, and spiritual health to have regular erotic experiences during the coming weeks. If you don't have a partner, have fun with your invisible muse, the angel in your dreams, or your personal version of God or Goddess.
Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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Jungian analyst Arnold Mindell explores the relationship between mind and body. He believes you can achieve optimum physical health if you're devoted to shedding outworn self-images. In his book The Shaman's Body, he says, "You have one central lesson to learn—to continuously drop all your rigid identities. Personal history may be your greatest danger."
Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us, agrees. Raised as a male, she later became a female, but ultimately renounced gender altogether. "I love being without an identity," she says. "It gives me a lot of room to play around."
What identities would be healthy for you to lose? Describe all the fun you'd have if you were free of them.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
A professional dominatrix I know says that many of her clients are men whose jobs give them excessive authority over other people. When she's bossing around these honchos, she sees herself as an agent of karmic correction, counteracting a dangerous lopsidedness in their psyches. I bring this up, Pisces, because you're in a phase when you should rectify any imbalance of power that exists in your own sphere. If you're a swaggering alpha male or female, put in a stint as a humble servant. If you're normally a timid soul, flex your willpower with feisty abandon. If you're neither a control freak nor a doormat -- and thus have no karma to balance -- spend quality time meditating on how to gain more power over the wild ebbs and flows of your imagination.
Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.
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Write the following on a piece of paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day [put date here] that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.
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