Free Will Astrology : All Horoscopes


	Horoscopes for week of March 22, 2007 Hundreds of years ago, the Native American tribe known as the Seneca had a rule of thumb about when to sow corn seed. You had to wait until the weather was warm enough to lie naked in the dirt without discomfort. I believe a similar principle applies to your plans to start a certain new enterprise, Aries. Hold off on the launch until you're able to take off all your clothes in a natural setting and stretch out on the ground without shivering. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Jungian analyst Arnold Mindell explores the relationship between mind and body. He believes you can achieve optimum physical health if you're devoted to shedding outworn self-images. In his book The Shaman's Body, he says, "You have one central lesson to learn—to continuously drop all your rigid identities. Personal history may be your greatest danger." Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us, agrees. Raised as a male, she later became a female, but ultimately renounced gender altogether. "I love being without an identity," she says. "It gives me a lot of room to play around." What identities would be healthy for you to lose? Describe all the fun you'd have if you were free of them. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	It has been too long since you visited the Middle of Nowhere. You've been a fixture in the heart of a well-defined Somewhere for quite some time. But now, Taurus, you need the enriching confusion of the Cosmic HUH?! it's prime time for you to wander out into the fertile chaos of the WHAT THE HELL!? zone. Have fun! Don't forget to writhe! Now please repeat and repeat and repeat after me, slowly building from a smirking giggle to a cackling belly-laugh: WHERE AM I AND HOW DID I GET HERE?! You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Write the following on a piece of paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day [put date here] that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	This would be a good week to take a class at clown school, give out free ice cream to the underprivileged, or sing show tunes to a captive audience at a retirement home. In fact, the cosmos will be very favorably disposed toward you if you do anything to increase the pleasure you bring people. Here are some other ways you might proceed: Listen raptly to allies who've lost their way; think deeply about what a loved one needs most; deliver sincere praise to people you've never praised before; say a rowdy prayer for an acquaintance who could use a jolt of inspiration; or do a good deed anonymously, ensuring that the recipient of your blessing doesn't know who gave it. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Everyone influences the world in some way. No matter how powerless we may feel, each of us is a creator who continually churns out energy that bends and shapes our world and the people in it. What is the signature of your effect? How do you change the environments you pass through? What magic, for good or ill, do you exude from day to day? * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	Charles Darwin called Anglican clergyman Thomas Malthus a "great philosopher," and in The Origin of the Species said his theory of evolution was based on Malthus' ideas. Yet as Darwin knew well, Malthus advocated genocidal measures to control population growth. In his famous "Essay on the Principle of Population as It Affects the Future Improvement of Society," Malthus proposed killing off underprivileged people. "Instead of recommending cleanliness to the poor," he wrote, "we should encourage contrary habits. In our towns we should make the streets narrower, crowd more people into houses, and court the return of the plague. In the country, we should build villages near stagnant pools, and encourage settlement in marshy and unwholesome situations. But above all, we should reprobate specific remedies for ravaging diseases; and those benevolent, but much mistaken men, who have thought they were doing a service to mankind by projecting schemes for the total extirpation of particular disorders." So the evidence is clear that Darwin's theory of evolution had a grotesque pedigree. Should we therefore dismiss it altogether? Not in my opinion. What's useful is not always derived from what's good. Is there a comparable situation in your own life, Cancerian? Are there essentials you benefit from even though their origins are problematical? The time is ripe for coming to terms with this weirdness. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT You probably don't grow much of your own food or sew your own clothes, and you didn't build your own house or car. You may not know where your water comes from or where your wastes go. The last time you doffed your clothes for a whole day was when you were two months old, and you may not know the names of your great-grandparents, let alone what they were like. Maybe it's time, then, for you to find some sources to return to. How might you do that? Here's one suggestion for how to begin: Sleep all night under a tree, lulling yourself into the dreamtime with a cruise through your oldest memories. What other things can you try? * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	The water you drink is three billion years old, give or take five million years. The stuff your body is made of is at least ten billion years old, probably older, and has been as far away as 100,000 light years from where it is right now. The air you breathe has, in the course of its travels, been literally everywhere on the planet, and has slipped in and out of the lungs of almost every human being who has ever lived. There's much more evidence I could offer to prove to you that you're an infinite and eternal creature, Leo, but suffice it to say that you're much greater and older and bigger and wilder and freer than you have ever imagined. The experiences you'll soon have will give you a deeply felt sense of how true that is. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Have you ever played the game of "Tell me the story of your scars?" It's best to do it with a skilled empath who is curious about your fate's riddles and skilled at helping you find redemption in your wounds. "How'd you get that blotch on your knee?" he or she might begin, and you describe the time in childhood when you fell on the sidewalk. Then maybe he or she would say, "Why do you always look so sad when you hear that song?" And you narrate the tale of how it was playing when an old lover broke your heart. The questions and answers continue until you unveil the history of your hurts, both physical and psychic. Treat yourself to this game soon. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	It's the perfect time to kill off old habits that drag you down and to sever bad connections that bring out the worst in you. Therefore, I suggest you make an undercover search-and-destroy visit to the murkiest parts of the underworld. When you get back, invite skeletons to come out of the closet and monsters to crawl out from beneath the bed for a nice long heart-to-heart talk full of tough love. And in general, don't you dare avert your gaze from any song and dance that might half-scare you and half-inspire you into triumphing over evil. P.S. In every decay there'll be beauty; in every loss there'll be a glimmer of future joy. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT "Love is being stupid together," said French poet Paul Valéry. While there's an element of truth to that, it's too corny and decadent for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost both your emotional and analytical intelligence. Your relationship becomes a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works. Think of an example of your closest approach to this model in your own life. Then formulate a vow in which you promise you'll do what's necessary to more fully embody the principle "love is being smart together." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	If we were going to equate your relationship options with varieties of ice cream, we might say that in the next eight weeks you will have a choice between Black Raspberry Avalanche, Caramel Toffee Bar Heaven, Cherry Chip ba da Bing, Grandma's Cookie Dough, New York Strawberry Cheesecake, Cashew Praline Parfait, Peanut Butter Truffle, and good old Vanilla. Oddly enough, Vanilla might turn out to be the most gratifying. Of all the varieties, it would certainly have the best aftertaste. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT "The more accidental, the more true," wrote Boris Pasternak in his poem "February." Scholar Mikhail Epstein expanded this observation: "The more accidental the phenomenon, the more divine its nature, for the divine is what has not been envisioned, what cannot be deduced from general rules, nor irreducible to them." If we pursue this line of thought to its logical conclusion, we may decide that the most useful sources of illumination are not always holy books, revered dogma, and great truths that everyone has heard. They might also be serendipitous anomalies that erupt into the daily routine and break the trance of ordinary awareness. "The tiny spark," Epstein writes, "is the precise measure of the holiness of the world." * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	The secret you're looking for, the secret you think you desperately need, does not exist--at least not officially. Unofficially, however, it's very real. It's alive and hot and exciting. But it's in the care of people you don't notice or value. It's something you'd normally regard as cheap and insignificant. So let me ask you, Scorpio: Can you change the way you use your eyes? Will you drop the opinions that get in the way of you seeing the truth? The secret you're in quest of, the resource that might solve so many problems, will be easy to pluck if you'll just change your mind about matters that you imagine have nothing to do with the secret. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick. An alternative perspective comes from French philosopher Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a good ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind. Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	Flora, a Komodo dragon in a British zoo, recently became pregnant and hatched five babies without ever having had contact with a male. This is the first recorded virgin birth among her species. She's your power animal for the coming weeks, Sagittarius. Whether you're female or male, you too now have the power to spawn a beautiful brainchild without being intellectually or emotionally fertilized by anyone. That of course doesn't mean you should avoid the kind of intimate interactions that would fructify you. On the contrary, I urge you to seek those out in abundance. But my point is that you don't need them in order to be a fount of creativity. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Close your eyes and visualize an alluring person standing in front of you. Now imagine that he or she is gazing at you with affectionate desire. Add to the scene another enchanting person who is also beaming with adoration. Insert still another such character, and another, and another. Don't stop until you have arrayed before you in your mind's eye 10 enticing people of your favorite gender--and they're all glowing with love and appreciation. Let the scene develop further, like a waking dream, unfolding in directions that surprise and delight you. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	The bumper sticker I saw today said, "Having abandoned my search for the truth, I'm now looking for a good fantasy." Though it's meant to be sarcastic, it's actually a perfectly useful piece of advice for you right now. Consider this: The truth is overrated. It's so complicated and ever-shifting that it's impossible to pin down. To earnestly pursue it is often a waste of your valuable time and energy. Besides, why bother trying to understand the nature of reality when it's more important and productive to aggressively shape the nature of reality? As another bumper sticker says, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." In light of these meditations, Capricorn, I suggest that you drum up some fresh, fun, fabulous fantasies. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT The Doctrine of Original Sin? I spit on it. I reject it. I renounce it and annihilate it from reality. In its place I offer the Doctrine of Original Fun. This reformulation of the truth asserts that we are all born with a mandate to have as much liberating joy as possible. Present three arguments of pieces of evidence in support of the Doctrine of Original Fun. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	Writing in American Scientist, professor of neuroscience Irving Biederman says that human beings are literally addicted to learning new ideas. At the moment when we grasp a concept we've been grappling with, our brains experience a rush of a natural opium-like chemical, boosting our pleasure levels. I suggest that you take advantage of this fact to get really high in the coming week, Aquarius. Your ability to master challenging new information is at a peak, which means your access to natural opiates will be abundant. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed? Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning. What's the first thing you'll do to invoke a steady stream of inspired teachers and invigorating lessons? * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	A pound of gold weighs less than a pound of tumbleweeds. That's because the weight of gold is measured by the troy system of measurement, in which there are 12 ounces in a pound, whereas the weight of tumbleweeds is assessed according to the avoirdupois system, in which a pound consists of 16 ounces. Still, you'd probably rather have a pound of gold than a pound of tumbleweeds, right? Keep this in mind as you decide what resources to go after in the coming week. You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available. * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT After seeing the temple of Artemis in Ephesus, the ancient writer Philo of Byzantium wrote, "He who has laid eyes on it will be convinced that the world of the immortal gods has moved from heaven to earth." Seek out an experience that provokes an equally breathtaking response in you. Or do whatever you can to generate feelings of sincere reverence and awe. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I'll be performing the soundtrack for PRONOIA in San Francisco on Wednesday, March 28. Come see me and sign my Slam Book.
	Missed a week? Check the horoscope archives.

© 1995-2013 -- Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved