Free Will Astrology : All Horoscopes


	Horoscopes for week of July 10, 2003 Baseball players sometimes use the term "winning ugly." It refers to a game in which they've managed to emerge victorious even though they've made mistakes and performed below their potential. I predict you will soon have occasion to invoke this phrase to describe your own version of an unaesthetic triumph. There's another term I want to arm you with: "ugly ripe." Technically, it's the name of a delicious heirloom tomato whose irregular, bulbous shape sets it apart from the smooth, bland varieties that fill the tomato sections of most grocery stores. In the coming week, it will also apply to the peculiar but juicy quality of your life. Got enough clues to chew on for a while, Aries? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week. The reading costs $6.
	I predict that in the next seven days you will receive exactly 22 email advertisements offering to increase your penis size and 22 email ads to increase your breast size. Although you may be inclined to dismiss this as a boring inconvenience, I believe it will be an excellent cosmic omen that confirms what the astrological configurations reveal: a sign that you're primed to express both masculine and feminine qualities in a more intense and yet balanced way. I suppose this possibility may repulse you if you identify yourself as a macho male or a girlie girl. But for most of you, capitalizing on this opportunity will make you smarter and sexier. Want to explore the coming week even further, Taurus? Dig deeper? Feel stronger? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	Philosopher Jean Houston likes to quote a Native American saying that's important for you to hear right now: "When we take one step towards the gods, the gods take ten steps towards us." Here's another way to think about it: There are huge cosmic intelligences whose work is imperceptible to our five senses. They aren't figments of the imagination or sentimental fictions, but actual beings. When we acknowledge their existence and ask for their help, they enjoy responding. More than that: They love to collaborate with our strong intentions. What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny, Gemini? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	Here's the homework I gave my readers two months ago: "Guess what age you'll be when you finally know exactly who you are." In response, a Cancerian woman named Bridjet wrote this: "I hope I NEVER completely know who I am! I love discovering new mysteries about myself; I love to change as everything else around me changes. It's one of the most beautifully thrilling things about life -- that the only constant is change. If I ever know completely who I am, it'll be a sad day -- because it will mean that I haven't changed in a long time, that I've become stagnant." Bridjet's buoyant words should serve as your inspiration, Cancerian. You're already the zodiac's most frequent and expert changer, and these days you're primed to mutate even more than usual. How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week, Cancerian? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your shimmering, undulating fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week. The reading costs $6.
	In his only book, the French poet Lautr�amont (1846-1870) wrote about holy yearning disguised as mournful complaint. "Whenever you hear the dogs' howling in the fields," his mother told him as a child, "don't deride what they do: they thirst insatiably for the infinite, like you, me, and the rest of us humans. I even allow you to stand at the window and gaze upon this exalted spectacle." Let this passage be the starting point for your meditations in the coming week, Leo. You need to search for the noble purpose that lies beneath the plaintive cries that have been racking your heart. No one knows you better than you do, Leo. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	In a horoscope I wrote for you in June of 2000, I reported that for the first time ever, your power animal was a hawk. "Act more like predator than prey for a change," I advised. Now, three years later, you're ready to reprise your hawk imitation, but with even more flair. I hereby authorize you to travel far and wide in search of the delectable nourishment that excites you most. Remember how your inexperience kept you from harvesting the full benefits of your hawkness three years ago? You know better now. Hungry for more inspiration, Virgo? Curious about the unfolding mysteries? For more juicy details about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	What makes a song popular? A charismatic singer, high-tech production, and millions of dollars' worth of marketing? In the modern world, yes, but not in other times and places. In his article "Rhythm, Myth and Spirit," David Pulak notes that among the Zu�i Indian tribe, music "is judged by how well it resonates with the experiences of the community." In other words, a good song articulates everyone's unconscious feelings and unverbalized beliefs, thereby creating group solidarity. Your assignment in the coming weeks, Libra, is to use everything -- music, ritual, constructive gossip, parties, pep talks, or whatever works -- to do for your tribe what music does for the Zu�i. Your destiny is a gorgeous mystery, Libra. Your soul is awakening more every day. The secrets of life are ripening right in front of your eyes. For more clues, consider checking out your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	"Dear Dr. Brezsny: Reading your 'scopes lately has felt like finding a roll of hundred dollar bills in a heap of moldy sour cream in a garbage can; like getting a great massage from a cute underwear model in a velvet sanctuary while some jerk with a chainsaw prunes trees outside. How about serving up less paradoxical advice? I'd almost prefer getting a purely bad prediction to this maddening ambiguous stuff you've been serving up. -Scorpio Goddess" Dear Goddess: I'm just reporting the facts, ma'am. You yourself have been like a sleek athlete trying to do what you do best while stuffing your face with doughnuts . . . like a brilliant scholar struggling to read your books in a mirror with one eye closed . . . like a spontaneous kid hoping to convince a humorless octogenarian to play tag. Life will bring you entertaining revelations in the coming week, Scorpio. To explore even deeper, dive into your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	Jeanine, a Sagittarius woman I know, likes to compare her lovers to food. Recently she gave me a dissertation on her romantic history. "When I was 21," she said, "I had two guys. One was a pepperoni pizza-type. He was too spicy to enjoy more than once a week. The other guy was like oatmeal, bland and filling. I didn't get tired of him, though on the other hand he wasn't too exciting. Now that I'm 37, my tastes have ripened. I'm not much interested in oatmeal men any more. I could have pepperoni pizza every day." I believe Jeanine's evolution parallels a transition you're going through, Sagittarius. You don't have as much time as you used to for the bland, filling stuff. You need intense flavors more frequently. This applies to every part of you, not just your love life. Want more clues, Sagittarius? Need further insight? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	Every now and then, you need to get exactly what you want; it is the duty of the cosmos to bring you the thing you have specifically asked for. This is not, however, one of those times. Rather, you're in an astrological phase when it is important for you to give someone you care for exactly what he or she wants; it's your duty to bring that person something he or she has specifically asked for. So choose a deserving soul for whom you will be an angel of perfect generosity. Where do you want to go in the coming week, Capricorn? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	During the next three weeks, it's crucial that you laugh more while you're working and chortle more while you're driving and giggle more while you're paying bills. In mysterious ways that would take me thousands of words to describe in full, the proper evolution of your long-term dreams requires you to have clownish epiphanies in situations where you've been way too serious. It'll also be important for the mental health of those you care about. In other words, Aquarius, playful abandon will not merely be a pleasant diversion but an essential medicine. What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny, Aquarius? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
	In accordance with the astrological omens, Pisces, I invite you to take on an additional job title in the week ahead: beautifier. If you agree to carry out the duties of this role, you will incite gorgeous fun and lyrical mystery everywhere you go. How? Bring scintillating harmony and mischievous grace into your conversations. Sneak a Chagall print onto an unadorned wall. Break into whimsical songs, dispense outrageous praise, ask crafty questions that provoke original thoughts, and point out all the institutions and relationships that are working really well. (P.S. You won't believe how many selfish benefits will come your way if you do this.) Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week, Pisces? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope. The reading costs $6.
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